Saturday, May 19, 2007

Day off

Forgot to turn the alarm off so woke up this morning too early. Followed by waiting for Comcast guy to get here and hook up the 'net. Didn't get out of the house til 4 something. J called - I had taken care of things just before he got around to calling.

He went out for pizza with R which turned into Costco evening. He said he'd be home in 2 hours which was 3 and a half. No big surprise. I called at 9:15, he calls at 9:30, I called again just before ten. We talk an hour. He says lets have a date at 5pm tomorrow. I don't want to be roped into a time on a day off. I am sick and tired of doing everything on his time schedule.

Went to Everett to try and find sheet for bed, etc. Ended up getting new sheet, martini shaker, glasses, baking sheets and a dishes :) Also got to the co-op where I was able to buy a week's worth of groceries ($125). Going to try the Gomashio noodles from vegan cookbook. Looks tasty. mmmm.....

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Ever loved someone mentally ill/ADD?

My husband is mentally ill. I don't know what to do with him. He can't hold a job and has Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.

As a child he was hyperactive. You wouldn't know it now because he sits in front of a computer all day, often without ever goind outside or opening the blinds.

He used to have bouts of depression. He takes SAMe, dl-phenylalanine (amino acid) and Saint John's Wort. He had his driver's license taken when he was very depressed and looks a bit psycho on it. Unkempt.

I made the mistake of counting on him to pay some bills but the responsibility lands on my head time and again.

For my birthday he had a tizzy fit after I was upset with him for not planning anything. ,Someone called the cops and we each got big fines. Nice birthday present.

Christmas he spent with his parents and his daughter.

His mom has custody of her but is a chain smoking 370 pound beast of burden. She is a nightmare mother in law. If we ever built a unit for her it would definately be ground level. She orchestrated it so that his daughter would be with her for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

His sister doesn't want us to bond. She takes care of her and has lived with their parents for the last 10 years. She moved in with her boyfriend at 16 and moved out when he hit her. She can't have children so she is clinging onto my husband's daughter.

He doens't pay his taxes or bills but he wants to manage other people's money as a financial counselor. Give me a f---ing break. I paid $600 for him to go into business once before and never saw any of that money. I also lost my rope and a tarp to his 'business' partner.

People with ADD have a loss (void?) of the executive function of the brain. The part that reasons things out logically and makes plans. They tend to fly by the seat of their pants.

He is very sweet, is good looking and in spite of lack of exercise is still attractive. He is pleasant (easy to do when you are so distracted you can't remember what to worry about.)

But don't try to get him to do anything he doesn't want to. He has a PhD in foot dragging. You are the scheming demanding woman. Get used to it.

It is just too much to make the money, bring home the groceries, cook it up and have to hound him to clean the pan so you can cook in it. Then come the other wifely responsibilities and lack of sleep ensuing because he gets distracted there too and takes 5 times longer than normal.

It's good to get some of this out on 'paper' so I can see that I am not unreasonable in my expectations. It is difficult to be objective when you are in a relationship.

But it's pretty clear this isn't working out.

Ever loved someone mentally ill/ADD?

My husband is mentally ill. I don't know what to do with him. He can't hold a job and has Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.

As a child he was hyperactive. You wouldn't know it now because he sits in front of a computer all day, often without ever goind outside or opening the blinds.

He used to have bouts of depression. He takes SAMe, dl-phenylalanine (amino acid) and Saint John's Wort. He had his driver's license taken when he was very depressed and looks a bit psycho on it. Unkempt.

I made the mistake of counting on him to pay some bills but the responsibility lands on my head time and again.

For my birthday he had a tizzy fit after I was upset with him for not planning anything. ,Someone called the cops and we each got big fines. Nice birthday present.

Christmas he spent with his parents and his daughter.

His mom has custody of her but is a chain smoking 370 pound beast of burden. She is a nightmare mother in law. If we ever built a unit for her it would definately be ground level. She orchestrated it so that his daughter would be with her for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

His sister doesn't want us to bond. She takes care of her and has lived with their parents for the last 10 years. She moved in with her boyfriend at 16 and moved out when he hit her. She can't have children so she is clinging onto my husband's daughter.

He doens't pay his taxes or bills but he wants to manage other people's money as a financial counselor. Give me a f---ing break. I paid $600 for him to go into business once before and never saw any of that money. I also lost my rope and a tarp to his 'business' partner.

People with ADD have a loss (void?) of the executive function of the brain. The part that reasons things out logically and makes plans. They tend to fly by the seat of their pants.

He is very sweet, is good looking and in spite of lack of exercise is still attractive. He is pleasant (easy to do when you are so distracted you can't remember what to worry about.)

But don't try to get him to do anything he doesn't want to. He has a PhD in foot dragging. You are the scheming demanding woman. Get used to it.

It is just too much to make the money, bring home the groceries, cook it up and have to hound him to clean the pan so you can cook in it. Then come the other wifely responsibilities and lack of sleep ensuing because he gets distracted there too and takes 5 times longer than normal.

It's good to get some of this out on 'paper' so I can see that I am not unreasonable in my expectations. It is difficult to be objective when you are in a relationship.

But it's pretty clear this isn't working out.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Banana Bread (it's vegan & wheat free - if anyone can tell)

Preheat oven to 375 F.

In a small bowl mash 3 ripe bananas to a mush, add 1 Tablespoon lemon juice, 1/2 C oil (I used olive), 1/2 C sweetener (I used honey) and 3/4 C chopped dates. Stir it together.

In a Large bowl Stir together the dry ingredients: 1 1/2 C flour (I used whole spelt flour), 1/2 C oat flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 t baking powder & 1/2 teaspoon baking soda. Optional addition: 1/2 C chocolate chips.


Gently mix wet ingredients into dry ingredients until they are just combined. Scoop into a oiled loaf pan & bake 40-50 minutes. Test for to see it it's done with a skewer or knife tip.

Yield: 1 loaf

Request for nurse comment

When you are a contract nurse you have two bosses; the one from your agency and the one from the place you work.

Contract nurses even from the same company talk behind one another's backs so there isn't any loyalty there. It is hard to make friends as a contract nurse - it's kind of like being in the service.

As a contract nurse it doesn't feel like there is much to depend on other than your skills and a paycheck.

Other observations:

Isn't it ironic that mental health and physical body ailments are treated by separate practitioners when we are all in the same body?

Is there a root cause as to why the humanity seems to be draining out of healthcare?

Capitalism seems to encourage greed and encourages society to make it acceptable.

I can't help but wonder if healthcare were socialized would it still have the same flaws it has now?

It's a Beautiful Day

Got up and went to the gym today. Met with my trainer and went through the preliminaries to see where my body is at. You find out your target heartrate you subtract your age from 220-34= 186. So the goal is to reach 65% to 85% of this target heartrate when you work out in order to make improvements. For someone my age it would be 121-158 beats per minute. When I did my workout I got up to 155 .

She said something about having your heartrate go down so many beats within so many minutes of stopping exercise indicating that you are getting a good stroke volume in your heart. I did this almost to a T. It would still be good to know exactly why this is signficant.

I'm glad to be taking charge of this part of my life. Hopefully it will help to calm me down and handle stresses easier. There is so much going on with my life - husband, mother, work, housemate, money, vehicle - that it is very much needed for balance.